RTmum

The mother of invention is neccessity...

2011-07-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a very up & down week. At the start of the week things felt really good - I baked, made my own laundry powder (all good by the way, no eczema break outs at all!) and seemed in control. Today is Friday and things couldn't be more opposite! We've had a big money mix up and have pittance for groceries, the cupboards and pantry are bare, the car is running on fumes, Master T was sent home from daycare yesterday with Hand Foot & Mouth AND this morning I woke up with the spots on my hands and feet too.

I have cried a lot of tears in the last couple of days, the desperation of not knowing what to do coming out. I have been "creative" though, I've had to be. On Wednesday I made lasagne for dinner...I had a tin of tomatoes and a jar of pasata, garlic and onion but no mince. So I made my pasta sheets, made the beschemel and the tomato base and waited for Bart to come home from work and the shop. I browned the mince and added it to the tomato base, put the lot together and threw it in the oven. After all of that we only ate half an hour later than normal, and it was fantastic (even if I do say so myself).

The creativity wasn't only left to food. Sir R has a birthday party on Sunday for his friends T & D at school. They're twin girls turning 6. No money meant no present, so I put my thinking cap on. Sir R now has a couple of lovely "gift baskets" with pink bath bombs, pink bubble bath, pink soap and chocolate bath milk - all made in my kitchen. We're going to decorate the gifts with a small "bouquet" of button flowers that I made this afternoon. It's the first time I've ever made them but I think they turned out ok (I have to confess that the button flowers are not my idea but one that I "borrowed" from Liza at Lillybuds). When I've put everything together I'll post a photo.

Never too late to learn

2011-07-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did some things I've never done before...

I used my homemade washing powder for the firs time and it seems pretty good so far. The big test will be today when Bart and Master T wear items of clothing washed in it.

Dessert was on the menu in our house last night, something that's a rare occurrence. For the fist time ever (that sounds strange) I made bread and butter pudding. It turned out ok. Next time I think I'll put more "custard" in it, and make sure that I have some cream to serve with it.

And I baked yesterday...119 biscuits.

Changes...one step at a time.

2011-07-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

This week I made a pact with myself. For the next 6 months I am not going to spend money on new items. Of course food and health/safety items are not included in this (and fuel!), but other things that would normally drain money...clothes, gifts etc. Instead I'm going to buy secondhand or make. If there's something that I feel can't be done this way and has to be new I'll discuss it with Bart and we will make the decision together. One thing we know we want to buy sooner rather than later is a chest freezer. Now maybe we'll find a good one secondhand but we could also get one from a "seconds" store, this might actually work out cheaper.

I have a lot of family and friends who are pregnant at the moment and had already decided to make presents for them rather than buy them. I'm going to attempt to sew travel change-mats personalised to the baby. So instead of buying the material that I'd need for these projects I bought baby blankets off Gumtree and cot quilts from an op-shop. These items are going to be reborn (hopefully!) into new things - REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE.

I've also decided to have a "Cheapskates" go. For those who don't know, Cheapskates was founded by Cath Armstrong when her life took a downward turn. It's a website full of tips and ideas on how to get back to basics and save money, some golden oldies and some new. This morning I made Hotcakes for a Sunday breakfast treat. They were easy to make, light and delicious served with homemade pancake syrup...much better than McDonalds! I also made my first batch of laundry washing powder. It was extremely cheap and easy to do and, by all accounts, it's very good. I'm certainly happy to give it a go and keep using it if it works. However, at the fist sign of any irritation to Bart or Master T (both of whom suffer from eczema in some degree) I will revert back to my store bought liquid. I'll let you know how it goes!

Drama

2011-07-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

Oh dear! Where do I begin to explain everything that's happened and the changes that I've made? The beginning sounds like a great place...

We left for a 2 week vacation in Darwin on 13th June completely unaware of the drama that was coming. Our home was pretty much packed up ready to put on a truck to start our new life up north, Sir R was enrolled in his new school, so we relaxed and enjoyed our holiday. When we got back on 27th June, Bart phoned his new "boss" to arrange the truck and house keys, and to finally sign his employment contract. Things couldn't have been worse! The business had been sold and Bart wasn't part of the contract. He was unemployed!

We're very lucky that Barts reputation in his trade precedes him. Everyone knows who he is, and how good he is at his job. By Friday the 1st July (my birthday and the day we were meant to leave) he had a new job here in Perth. And, to date, he's loving the challenge of it...and the fact that he's home every night!

Staying in Perth has brought about it's own set of complications, not the least of which is the drop in pay. While we were away in Darwin our dining room ceiling decided to give up it's tenuous hold and rest upon our packed boxes, so a new ceiling was urgently required. We decided to have the ceiling in Sir R's room fixed at the same time.

I've decided to look at all of this in a positive way. New ceilings means a clean slate and redecorating, still having to unpack lots of things means another cull and clean-out, reduced income means looking at new ways to do things (including my pact with myself, but more about that tomorrow).

For now all is good, we're together as a family and that's what counts.

Huh?

2011-05-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

I know I have so much going on in my head at the moment, but I can't believe what I forgot today!

Poor Sir R...I forgot that he was ordering lunch from the canteen today and didn't take his order out of his bag and to the canteen. Luckily he realised at recess and the teachers were able to get the order in in time.

That's the second time this year I've forgotten his lunch!

As I said, there's a lot going on at the moment, but how can I forget my child like that?

Changes, changes everywhere...

2011-05-04T01:55:00.000-07:00

Oh boy! That's about all I can say about everything that's happened lately. Where do I start?

We all know how well I've been coping with Bart being away with the FIFO work. Well he's been applying for lots of jobs, both residential and 8/6 FIFO. Well on Monday the months of work finally paid off, Bart got a new job! It's a residential position in Paraburdoo. So right now he's driving up to Pannawonica to pick up his tools and drop them in to his new workshop in Paraburdoo. We all move up at the beginning of July.

There's so much to do...the house needs to be made suitable for rental, we need to pack things that are going to be stored, sell/give away things that we don't need/want, start packing things we need to take with us...and that's just the beginning.

But it's going to be such an adventure for all of us. And we're going to be together!

Good Friday

2011-04-22T04:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's Easter again already! It seems like only yesterday the boys were munching out on chocolate eggs...and again this year Bart is away. Luckily he's had a chat to the "Easter Bunny" and it's been agreed that we're splitting our Easter in half, with the other small celebration happening next Sunday when Bart's home. The boys think this is great and that they're going to get more eggs...sorry guys, mummy has just split the small amount you're getting into 2 lots.

We went to church this morning. Those who've known me for a while know how disillusioned I was with the Catholic church after the first marriage fiasco. I was very unsure, but went along with some very dear friends to the Fremantle Church of Christ. I have to say, I loved it! There was none of the pomp and ceremony of a Catholic service, just a very relaxed atmosphere for those who believe. Don't know that I'll be a regular, but can certainly see me going again.

It's been an emotional week. It felt like nothing was going my way, and everything I did was wrong. My best friend was supposed to be coming back to Perth from the east coast in a few weeks, after being away for over 2 years...Instead of a job in Perth her husband scored one in Canada (again!) so their getting ready to relocate to another continent. I'm very sad about it, but it's absolutely fantastic for them. I mean, it's an experience that money can't buy.

Then there was the Mother's Day competition I've been in on Facebook. Even though it doesn't finish until Tuesday 26th, I can state for the record that I will not be the name they announce as the winner. See, the winner is decided by votes and the person with the most so far has well over 100, while I'm lucky to have 20! Yes it was an honour to be one of the 5 chosen as finalists, but it proves to me something that I've known for a very long time...I do not have very many people I count as friends and I'm not "little Miss popularity". Knowing there's no chance for me hurts because the prize is something that I'd love to have, and because of the price of it I know I'll never get it any other way.

This week I realised that I'm very selfish! All I could think about was me: how I was feeling, how something impacted my life. Definitely something I have to work on...maybe during one of my return visits to church...

Things to do...

2011-03-24T02:49:00.001-07:00

Time has a terrible habit of slipping away from me!

Well, Bart's just been home for his week of R&R and is now back at work for a well earned rest! The poor thing was so busy this time around, and his list of things he wants to get done just keeps getting longer and longer. Still, there was one thing that got put on the "completed" pile. Finally the boys cubby-house is up! They're so excited, and now they've given mummy a list of things to do...Apparently the house is too boring and needs painting inside and out, and curtains need to be made for the windows. Let's not even start on the list of "furniture" they want for inside it!

One step at a time my little ones...

Inspired...

2011-03-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

The creativity of people I know astounds me! Looking at the things they do makes me feel like I don't have an arty or crafty bone in my body. But this has inspired me.

Very soon Reece will be starting swimming lessons at school, and he'll need a bag to carry his towel and bathers in. So, instead of buying a bag that every other child in his class has, I've decided to make him one. I bought some great material today that cost me $10, and a zip that was 50c. Now all I need to do is sit down and sew it up! Anyone who really knows me will tell you that I've never been a sewer, but I'm willing to try (and to learn).

I hope I'm successful and that this is the start of a very "crafty" friendship with my sewing machine.

Direction at last!

2011-03-03T02:39:00.000-08:00

It's so nice when you have a plan and know where you're headed...that's not to say that plans can't change, but it's nice to have direction.

While he was home, Bart and I sat down and made some decisions. He's coping with the FIFO just about as well as the boys and I are! So we've put a time limit on his working where he is. If, by that particular date, he's still there with no residential job in sight, the pin is getting pulled. He then comes back to Perth and both of us get jobs down here. It will mean Master T going into full-time childcare, but I know he'd be okay. In the mean time Bart looks for and applies for as many jobs as he can, and, hopefully, one will come up. We both agreed that we have to be open to moving anywhere if the job is right (Bart doesn't want to move south if it's colder, and I'm not a heat person), and will even okay an 8/6 FIFO job if it's right.

Basically we're on the same page. It's a big change from our original plans, but that's the beauty of life-plans...they can change and evolve as often and dramatically as needed. As long as you have your goal in sight, it shouldn't really matter how you get there.

What a week!

2011-02-20T20:00:00.000-08:00

Where to start??? I've been sick for the last week, some sort of viral infection that's caused high temperatures, bad cough (barking really!), aches and pains. It was so bad that I had to get someone else to pick Sir R from school a couple of times last week (I think this has contributed to this mornings drama, more later). Then he was sick at school on Thursday and home on Friday.

On Saturday, Master T was pushing his limits AND my buttons. The last straw was him looking at the meal put in front of him and declaring "Yuck, me don't like that". I knew instantly that it would mean a very early wake-up on Sunday. I started to cry, then cough, then cough uncontrollably, then my throat seemed to "clamp up" and I couldn't catch my breath! I was so scared. Here I was alone in the house with the boys and I was about to pass-out. I grabbed my mobile, dialed my brothers number and handed the phone to Sir R. He was so brave and calm while he told his uncle what was happening. He listened to instructions and got a paper bag for me to breath into until I was okay. I am so very proud of him.

The drama this morning involved Sir R also. I walked him to his classroom and was about to say goodbye when the tears started. "Mummy, I want you to stay", "I want to come home and stay with you mummy", and "I love you so much mummy". My beautiful 5 year old who was itching to go back to school was now telling me that he didn't want to be there. I think there's a combination of things causing this - the "pick-ups" last week (mentioned above), the fact that he vomited in class in front of his friends, and I think there's a little bit of peer-pressure starting.

There have been a few bright moments though. The one that stands out the most for me is the fact that Master T is now booked into daycare 2 days a week! Maybe now I can actually get some studying done.

The monster comes knocking...

2011-02-11T19:10:00.000-08:00

Firstly I'm sorry it's been a month since my last post. I have no excuse.

This week I've been hit hard by the "green-eyed monster". I'm not normally a jealous person, and believe that it is a wasted emotion (takes a lot of energy for no positive return).

I have no problem with Bart having friends - male or female, gay or straight, black, white or purple - it was the situation that occurred that caused the monster to visit. Bart and a friend from work are in Perth on R&R at the same time (a very rare thing). On Thursday night he took the GT out, picked her up and took her to see Perth (did I mention that she's from QLD?). The fact that he could just leave the house because he wanted to was the opening the monster needed...

Let me clarify. While Bart is at work for 2 weeks I have both Tuesdays where the boys are in school or daycare. That's a total of 12 hours in 14 days I have time for myself, to do what I want to do. While Bart is home we have the Tuesday, but no evenings.

I know it sounds petty but it's what happened and how I feel.

I've had suggestions that I'm jealous that Bart has friends of his own, and that I should get out and get involved to find my own friends. As stated above and in previous posts, I don't have time without Sir R & Master T and can't take them with me because of the way they behave. I also have a hard time making and keeping friends. It's obviously something that's wrong with me and has been all my life, so I'm used to it.

Next time the monster with green eyes comes to visit, I'll keep her sojourn a secret.

Who gets kicked out of Bunnings?

2011-01-08T03:38:00.000-08:00

This morning I took the boys to Bunnings. There was a little voice warning me not to do it, but I ignored her.

In Bunnings we headed to the aisle that stocks the worm farms and compost bins. It's something I've wanted for ages (either of them) but haven't gotten, so I decided to check out the different compost bins and their prices. While I was doing my little bit of investigation IT started! Master T began his usual running up and down, then proceeded to climb the shelving in the next aisle. Sir R took it upon himself to run after his brother which only egged Master T on. (I didn't get the bin I wanted because Bart deems it too expensive)

One of the senior sales staff walked up to me and asked me, very politely "to control my children or please leave the store, for their own safety". Now I can completely understand them being nervous that one or both of them may hurt themselves and that the store would be held liable, so what could I do? I walked out of the store, with the monsters following, and I'm sure I could hear the collective sigh of relief.

I have tried calmly talking and reasoning, I've tried bribing, threatening, yelling and crying...Nothing works! My children do not listen to me. I am rapidly coming to the end of my rope, my heart breaking. I don't know why, what I've done or what else I can do.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-03T02:54:00.000-08:00

In 2009 Sir R asked Santa for a pedal car and was devastated when it wasn't under the tree on Christmas morning, so last year Bart and I decided to get a car for the boys for 2010 Christmas.

I found a pink stamped tin pedal car on eBay for a fantastic price (brand new and still in the box!) so we bought it. When I picked it up I found out that the seller had another one that she was going to list so I offered her cash for it (no fees for listing) and we had 2 pink cars. My wonderful husband spray painted them a more suitable blue (his words not mine) and we added decal stickers and personalised license plates for them.

Needless to say the boys love them. I only wish we lived in a nice quiet cul-de-sac so they could drive them freely.

Happy 2011

2011-01-02T03:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's new year already. I can't believe how fast the years are passing. It seems like only yesterday Bart and I met, and now Sir R is 5 and Master T is nearly 3. My how time flies when you're having fun!

My year started with a whimper rather than a bang...bed at 10 NYE. That's what happens when you're home alone with 2 children.

I just wanted to say happy new year to all out there. I hope this year is the best one yet for you.

May you find what you're looking for, be where you need to be, and be loved by those you love.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-23T14:34:00.001-08:00

What a week! Master T had his operation on Monday, all went well. He still has pain but that's what Panadol is for.

It's Christmas tomorrow. The grocery shopping is done (minus children thankfully!), and the vegetable shopping was done at 9 o'clock last night. The presents are wrapped and waiting for the "angels" to be in bed tonight so they can be placed under the tree. I'm organised but there's still a lot to do today. The house and the deck need to be cleaned and tidied. The Weber, cleaned in preparation for cooking tomorrow, will be put in place and ready to go. The veggies and salads need to be prepared and the Christmas "puddings" cooked. Only then can I put my feet up, relax and say "Ah, so this is Christmas!".

Merry Christmas to all, whether you're having a hot one like us, or a beautiful white one. Stay safe, and I'll be doing more babbling and ranting in the new year.

xxx

Snip

2010-12-15T14:03:00.000-08:00

Master T is heading in for surgery. Monday morning I walk him into the operating room and trust the doctors with one of the loves of my life. I know that tonsils & adenoids & grommets are fairly routine, but I'm getting more nervous as the day draws closer. Thankfully B has managed to get work to agree to some time off and will be home on Sunday night. I just keep focusing on the positive possibility that after the op Master T won't think that 4am is an acceptable wake up time!

Tough "Love"

2010-12-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

This post is preceded by a disclaimer.
If you read on you will experience one or more of the following: Anger, Disappointment, Sadness, Lowered expectations, Revulsion.

Yesterday I hurt my child.
Now, I can hear the comment already, "but it was accidental". Well that's what I told myself, but last night while I was tossing and turning there was a little voice that kept telling me that I had done it deliberately...and I believe her.

I know shopkeepers cringe when I enter their store with my boys. I can see the recognition, "Oh no here comes that woman who can't control her kids", in their eyes. And I make the same mistake every time, thinking that things will change. But the boys still run and scream and do everything I used to shake my head at. The reason I bring this up is because when the "incident" occurred we were at Bunnings.

There's no excuse. I hurt my child and then ignored the look of loss in his eyes.

Those that pass through, and those that stay.

2010-11-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

It is said that people come into your life for a reason.

Sometimes that reason is obvious from the beginning, and sometimes it takes many years for that reason to become apparent.

Some people pass through your life so fast it’s as if they are barely there at all. Others pull up a comfortable chair and stay.

There are many that remain acquaintances, some we call friends, a few are true friends, and fewer still we consider family. There are those we say hello to, those we shake hands with, some we hug, and some we kiss. Some people will make us laugh, and some will make us cry, but all will make us feel.

This year, many people have entered our lives, but I have been lucky enough to find a wonderful person who I am now honoured to call "friend". She has been my shoulder and sounding post, an inspiration to me. And I can only hope that I have been there for her as much as she has been for me. This weekend I will share in celebrating her birthday with her other friends, and I cannot wait!

I just wanted to say thank you for becoming such a big part of my life. I hope that, no matter what separates us, we will be friends for a long time.

Win or Lose...

2010-11-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

If there is anyone who actually reads my rantings, I apologise that it's been so long since my last post. Once again life is hectic and time has just slipped away from me.

My man has finally had enough of being away from his family and has started applying for other positions...still within the mining industry but "live-in" instead of "FIFO". That would mean we would all move from home in Perth to where-ever the job may be. Unfortunately most of the mines in WA are in or bordering on the desert so it's going to be a major climate shift for us. Now, with the end of the year rapidly approaching, I'd really like to know where we'll be next year...especially for Reece's school. But we wait for final decisions to be made.

Master T has been booked into hospital. On December 20th he's having his Tonsils and Adenoids removed, and Grommets put in. Fingers crossed he'll be ok for Christmas, and my little man will be happy and healthy again soon. We're going through a tough time at the moment with him waking up at 4am. I've put it down to the fact that he barely eats dinner because his throat hurts and wakes up so early because he's hungry! Only 3 weeks 4 days to go...

And I've started, and stopped, a weight loss program. I thought I'd be ok, and could work around the kids, but I was wrong. It's really really hard! So, after talking to my exceptionally supportive husband, I've decided I'm going to try again BUT this time I'm going to make it easier on myself. I'm not going to follow the plan to the letter but will tailor it to suit me and my situation (I'll also try a few Zumba moves and see if that shifts some flab!).

Basically in the last few weeks I've learned that it's ok to try and not succeed, at anything. I won't say "fail" because to fail is final. I know that in trying I've done my best and I will try again. That in itself is the ultimate success.

Oestrogen wanted...

2010-11-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

I don't have many friends. I have even less female friends. I have very very few female friends I have "constant" contact with. I am living in a house of testosterone.

There have never been many female friends in my life, and I've lost some that I was very close to along the way. It's never really bothered me, until now, why that is...it must be something I do/say/don't say.

I came to the stark conclusion today that I miss and crave female company. This spark came to me this afternoon when my best friend posted some pics of my "godson" on Facebook. You see, they live in Brisbane and it's been 12 months since I've seen them or had a real heart to heart with her. It's funny, we seemed to talk more when she lived overseas! Bottom line is, I saw those pictures and my heart broke.

Christmas early!

2010-10-28T01:48:00.000-07:00

It feels a little like Christmas at the moment. Last Saturday we had our new bedroom suite delivered (it's so gorgeous!) and picked up Barts car. During the week we spoke to a friend of ours who is making up a home theatre sound system for us (we already have a projector and screen but have been relying on an old stereo for sound), and today I bought an iPod Classic 160GB. With this we're going to load all of our cd's onto it, put them into storage and use the iPod for all of our music. Now begins the tedious job of loading the music onto the computer and then transferring it onto the iPod. Feels like Christmas but it's all stuff that we've been putting off updating or replacing for a long time.

Time flies...

2010-10-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

Where did the last 2 weeks go? It feels like Bart just got home for his R&R and annual leave, and now he's gone again. And nothing that was planned or that we wanted to do was done!
I shouldn't really say that nothing was done. We did get our refinancing approved and sorted out. Bart's back home on Thursday and we'll be picking up his car then...And looking at, and buying, a new bedroom suite. At least we know that these things can definitely be done when he's back.

If you "promise" something, mean it!

2010-10-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have a real problem with people who say one thing and do another, and that includes businesses that make promises to customers and then don't follow through.
We've been dealing with the bank a bit lately, organising our finances for Bart to buy his car. Three days ago I was promised that some documents had been express posted from Sydney...and they're still not here! That was the last of a series of errors and broken "promises", so we've discussed switching banks. When the dust has settled on all of this I'll be doing some research into changing banks...for all of our banking.

The ups and downs of the week

2010-10-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

Oh dear, what a week it's been, and what a week to come!

Bart has just finished his week of R&R and is now on a week annual leave. He's spent most of the week in the garage cleaning up and making room for the car he "bought" last weekend (he found the Ford XB GT he sold 18 years ago). We've been organising the finances and trying to spend time together. The plan is that today we're going down to Waroona to spend the day with Barts brother and his family at the Waroona show, tomorrow is Bathurst (need I say more?), swimming lessons start on Monday, the boys at school and daycare on Tuesday, ENT specialist for Master T on Wednesday, and Bart flies out on Thursday. Somewhere in there I have a hairdressers appointment and we have to pick up the "new car".

But plans change and things happen that are completely beyond our control. Yesterday Barts 100 year old grandmother passed away. We were lucky enough to get to drive to Northam and say our goodbye's on Thursday. But no matter how much you prepare or tell yourself that you're at peace with the fact that someone you love is going to die, it tears you up and rips your world when it happens. So now we also have a funeral to attend this week.

It's really been a roller-coaster ride of emotions for Bart, and all I can do is be there to hold his hand and love him.

Single longer

2010-10-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm either a very caring wife and understanding partner, or a total push-over! Basically I've agreed to another 12 months of being a "single parent", and the house renovations being pushed back again...
The other day Bart forwarded me an email he'd received from his nephew from Carsales.com. 20+ years ago Bart owned a Ford XB GT which he sold 18 years ago under painful circumstances. The car in the email turned out to be Barts car! Now, all these years later, he's buying it back (for substantially more than he sold it for).
He's so happy, and I can't deny him that, but....

Light bulb Moment!

2010-09-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a light bulb moment. The boys and I went to a friends house to celebrate their 4 year olds birthday. This friend had given birth to her 3rd child (all boys!) just 3 weeks before and had done a remarkable job. I spent a good deal of our time there with bub in my arms...And, yes, I felt that little twinge smelling the newborn smell and looking into that beautiful new face BUT I could quite happily give him back and not feel regret. I've said it out loud but deep down didn't really believe it, that I didn't want any more children. It's completely official...This family is done and dusted, this womb is closing it's doors for good!
I know the fact that I wasn't really sure may be news to my husband, but there was always the hope that there may be a little more pink around here one day. Now I'm sure that the only "Princess" in our household is ME!!!

The Blues

2010-09-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bad day, and it's only 7.45am!

What can you do when you don't like yourself, and it feels like there's nothing that can change that? My "missing Bart blues" hit hard last night (and there was me thinking that I was finally accepting it), then the nightmare struck, and now the total realization that I have become someone something that I don't like.

I'm glad I have a full box of tissues...I think I'm going to need it.

It's Thursday again!

2010-09-16T01:25:00.001-07:00

And we all know how much I dislike every 3rd Thursday! Bart's jetting his way to Karratha as I type. Welcome to another 2 weeks of my inane ravings about being alone...

Well, this family's birthdays are over for another year so I can now concentrate on getting Christmas organised. We're having it here this year so I have food and gifts to do. Gifts aren't too bad...Sir R & Master T are sorted, Barts is "on the move" and I have ideas for closed friends and family. I also have Master T's birthday present sorted for February next year!
It's going to be a different Christmas this year as we're spending Boxing day (and night) with Barts biological siblings who we've only known for about 9 months. That is really going to be a hoot as Bart, his brother and sister are very much alike. I'll make sure I take lots and lots of photos.

I have a small dilemma. Bart mentioned me being able to used Frequent Flyer points to go to Brisbane to visit my bestie, but I thought they were all being saved for our trips to Darwin (to visit sister and meet biological nephews and nieces, and the Hidden Valley round of the V8's), and Sydney (for a good friends wedding). I hadn't thought about Brisbane, but now am really excited at the prospect. Am I a bad person for wanting to use the points for myself? Or should I think of my family and save them for the big events next year? Neither of my kids, and being on the other side of the country sounds very tempting to me!

Time sure flies...

2010-09-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

Cake baked, decorating stuff bought, games & prizes organised, food under control... Just need to get fresh bread for dinosaur fair bread and some juice poppers, and make the "pin the tail on the dinosaur" and Sir R's 5th birthday party is done!
I cannot believe that my "baby" is turning 5 on Monday. Time has gone so fast, it seems like only yesterday that we arrived at the hospital to be induced.
It's been a bit of a whirlwind this week, Bart coming home (happy happy happy girl!), getting organised for the birthday party and me not being 100%. Hopefully I can take a breath after Monday and regroup, and get started on my studies!

Oh no! It's Wednesday!

2010-09-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I popped off to the Dr yesterday (and I'd like to know what gives them the right to charge me nearly $70 for a consultation that the Dr himself was an hour late for?) as I've had a very sore throat and an earache. Let's rewind a little - last Wednesday I had a really really bad headache, Thursday my throat started hurting, Friday I had both and at about 8pm Friday night my ear started aching. On Saturday I felt like death warmed up on a campfire! Sunday the earache had gone so I just kept on going, thinking it was one of the many viruses the kids bring home and I'd be fine soon. Monday morning I booked my appointment at the doctor, could only get in on Tuesday... It seems that the sudden onset and decline of pain in my ear was due to a pressure build up from an infection, and the subsequent bursting of my eardrum relieving said pressure. So, once again, I'm on the horse-sized antibiotics, only this time I also have to be careful when swimming or washing my hair, and am completely deaf on the left side.

And there are 7 little ones coming on Sunday to celebrate Sir R's birthday, which I'm no-where near being prepared for!

And guess who comes home tomorrow?

Busy, busy, busy

2010-09-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

More things that haven't gone according to plan... The fireplace surround won't be finished when Bart gets home on Thursday, I've hit a snag doing the sides. Hopefully I can get the bathroom and "storage" cupboard done in the next few days, then at least that project is done and finished. After those 2 things and Sir R's birthday it's STOP for all of my ideas...I have to start my studying!
Speaking of Sir R's birthday, usually I am so organised with things a week from the day BUT all I have is ideas and nothing to show for them. I need to start making lists of supplies, food, games on the day etc etc etc, that way I have to work through and it will be done in time for the 7 little darlings that are coming to the party on Sunday. Oh dear, better get off the computer and get started...

It just goes on and on and on and...

2010-09-02T17:43:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought we'd get to a weekend with no sickness in the household, I come down with a dose of "razorblade throat". It was that bad last night that every time I swallowed in my sleep the pain would wake me up. At least the boys are both ok, we have swimming lessons today which have been missed over that past couple of weeks due to the boys not being well.

My quest for declutter and completing projects is in full swing. I'm hoping that by the time Bart gets home the fireplace surround will be finished ready for grouting, the linen cupboard will be a neat storage cupboard, and the bathroom will be tidy and functional. Well, that's the hope.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

2010-08-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, I've been tagged by my friend Amanda, so let's see what I come up with!

My family...Every moment I get to spend with Bart and the boys is a blessing. Hearing the lilt of the boys laughing is pure joy. And even thought it makes me sad, it also makes me happy to think about my mum & dad. I miss them so much!
Reading a good book...I only have a few authors that I really love and have read everything they've written. It's a real gift to be able to transport your reader to another place and make them feel the emotions you're writing.
My poetry...when the block moves and I write something it's such a buzz. I don't care if it's rubbish to anyone else because it all comes from my heart.
Friends...I have a handful of people I can truly call friends. They support and encourage me, and they are the one's that I would drop everything for. You know who you are! Thank you for coming into my life.
The smell of coffee brewing and biscuits/cakes baking...it's the smell of the of my childhood.
The sound of rain on a tin roof...it's music.
Music...I love everything depending on my mood. In my iPod at the moment I have AC/DC, Diana Krall, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Aerosmith, Bryan Adams, The Piggot Brothers, Nickleback, Yolanda B Cool & D Cup...a very varied bunch!
Finishing a project...I have a lot of projects that I have wanted to do but not followed through. Just recently I've proven to myself that I can do them (with "guidance"). I love standing back, looking and saying "I did that"!
Photos...Whether I take them or they're someone else's gems. They capture the most beautiful moments in life.
Feeling happy...It breeds and feeds upon itself. Feeling happy makes me happy!

Good intentions

2010-08-31T02:30:00.000-07:00

I had planned to get started on my study today...
I think Robert Burns said it best, "The best laid plans of Mice and Men often go awry". Today was spent meal planning, grocery shopping, Bunnings shopping (for more pebbles and "glue" for the fireplace surround), and making phone calls while I was child-free. And even though things didn't go to plan, I still have a great feeling of satisfaction. For the very first time I have a list of our evening meals for the next 2 weeks, and have all the ingredients (except I'll have to top up milk and fresh produce). I am organised!
The satisfaction is also because I'm halfway through my decorating project, and have taken a good chunk out of the clutter. It feels great to be able to say that because it's stuff I've procrastinated over for ages.
Now what can I plan to do next week, and maybe I'll get to study!

Faith

2010-08-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

I went to a Catholic primary school, got married in a Catholic church, and tried very hard to accept what was happening in my life was God's plan. And then my marriage was over, and I realised that some of the bruises I'd sustained weren't from God. That, among other things, made me very disillusioned with the church and religion in general. I had a hard time believing that any sort of higher-power would allow such things to happen, so faith drifted out of my life.
I'm not quite so cynical today and, although I'm not a fan of "organised religion" (there will always be a part of me that distrusts these "messengers of God"), I have returned to the belief that God exists in some form. Now I'm not asking anyone to agree with me, and I certainly won't push the point. We are all entitled to believe what we want to believe - it's called Free-Will! I have friends who are Buddhists, Jewish, Baptists, Catholics, and Atheists, and I accept their reasoning and individuality. I can't say that I'm Catholic anymore, just someone who believes.
The reason I brought all of this up is because recently I've been thinking of something my mother taught me a long time ago:

God grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

It relates to so many facets of my life, and I've come to the realisation that I have to accept that. I have to have faith in myself that I'll get through, success or not.

Checklist

2010-08-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

Checklist Saturday 28 August 2010:

Walk to shop - check
Explain to boys again that they need to behave - check
Children run off as soon as we enter the shop - check
Ask them nicely to behave - check
Bribe them to behave - check
Yell at them to behave - check
Put up with the glares of other shoppers - check
Stand at the checkout sobbing and shaking - check
Vow to NEVER take them shopping again - check
Get home to find I've forgotten a few important items - check

...as time goes by...

2010-08-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

...and a week has gone by. Wow, where does the time go? It seems like yesterday that I was preparing for my man to come home, and now I'm getting ready to take him back to the airport. I know it's not possible but time seems to drag so slowly during the 2 weeks he's away...and I only need to blink for the week home to be gone!
Master T is still on antibiotics for his ear infection, and hopefully this will be the last of it. Sir R has picked up a cough that sounds like a performing seal! He says he feels good apart from that so here's hoping that it doesn't develop any further.
Speaking of Sir R, we have a birthday in a few weeks. I cannot believe that I have a near 5 year old. He's inviting 6 of his friends from "school" to his dinosaur party, so I'm busy making lists of things I need to do.
Oh yes, and I'm beginning to get very nervous about the course I'm doing. I've just received the assignment outline and I'm totally flummoxed! Hopefully the books etc will shed a little light. And the nervousness is heightened by Barts unwavering faith in my abilities - he bought me a laptop. How can he be so sure when I have my doubts?

Swings and Round-a-bouts

2010-08-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, everything has it's ups and downs. This week has been no exception.

On the down side, we've had a run of very early mornings (4-4.30am) with Master T waking up and not going back to sleep. He's also been waking in the night with an earache, so we headed back to the Dr yesterday and it's another infection. Poor little mite's been on antibiotics for the past 3 months. Hopefully this lot will finally clear it up and then we can do something about seeing if he needs grommets.

On the up side, my man is home! The madness of his 6 days home begins. And, I finally got my computer log-in details for my course! The books should arrive by the end of the week, and then the fun really begins.

Escape

2010-08-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

Can somebody please tell me why I leave things until the last minute? I have a million and one things to get done before heading out to pick up Bart tomorrow night yet here I am on the computer! I'm beyond tired, I'm exhausted to the point where I can barely keep my eyes open and my limbs feel like lead weights. Well, if I can get this one BIG job done in the next hour or so, I can leave everything else till tomorrow...then run around like a headless chook squawking that I can't get it all done! I'd better not put everything off when the studying finally starts...that would be tragic.

On a different note, I'm looking for a way to have a break. From what you ask. I need a break from my two angels, a break from the daily grind. And it all has to be done cheap and cheery. It's been nearly 12 years since I stayed in a hotel in Perth and I can't believe what the prices are like now! I was hoping for somewhere that I could get a massage or sink into a luxurious bath for a while, but considering the $$'s involved think I'll be lucky to get a warm sleeping-bag and tent in the backyard.

That's what friends are for...

2010-08-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

I recently found my behaviour towards my friends mirrored back at me, and I didn't like the reflection!
I know that I've withdrawn from those that I treasure like family. There was a time when I'd send them a message just to say hi and check how things were going. Now my mind is so filled with my own stuff that I have special people I haven't spoken to or heard from in months. The only excuse I have is that I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems...I don't understand what's going on in my head most of the time, how could anyone else?
I will make an effort to do better. No promises, but I will try to be a better friend.

Oops, I did it again!

2010-08-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

I want to apologise for my melt-down the other day, but that would be denying something that is me. I have melt-downs, I get fed-up, and I bounce back up again...eventually. It could take a few hours or a few days, but I get there. This time round it took a few days to start feeling like "me" again.

I forced myself to start thinking about the bigger picture, and about other things that I could do. So I signed my papers for "school" and posted them off, I got a file and started making my household folder to get me more organised, pulled out the pebbles and glue to start on the fireplace surround again, and some other stuff that I won't bore you with.

I have to keep remembering that everything shall pass and change, it won't be like this forever. And even though I crave time for myself (and the sanity that goes with it!) I know that when it comes I'll be wishing the boys were little again.

Behind the mask...

2010-08-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am a fraud!

This face that I put on, this mask, it's all a big act. I'm a good mother - yeah right, can't even control Master T when there are child professionals (teachers) around...I'm a supportive wife - so that's why I wish every second moment of the day that Bart didn't work away...I am in control of my emotions and thoughts - let's not even go there!

It's turning out to be a really "bad" day for me. I was woken this morning to Master T & Sir R playing with my bedside lamp. They were pushing a shoving and then it happened...a gouge in the wall, a broken globe (snapped off at the base) and a tough job for mummy to try to fix. Then there was Nursery Rhyme time at the school. Every Wednesday Sir R's school does an hour of nursery rhymes and activities for 0-4 year olds. Master T decided that would be a great time to assert his independence. And then there was the "normal" running and screaming through the shop.

So behind the mask today is a mum who feels like she's failing. There are tears and tantrums, but the boys are playing somewhere else and can't see me. I feel sad, and lonely, and wrung-out. I know who I am, an actor in this play called "Life"...I'm just waiting for everyone else to see it too.

I'm so excited...

2010-08-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

...and I just can't hide it! (a very corny song I know).

I finally got information about my course today. Hopefully the paperwork will be here on Wednesday (I want to question that! Why does it take a minimum of 2 days to come from the east coast? It should take no longer than the 2 days) and I'll sign and return them straight away. Then I just need to wait for my books, and CD's to be posted to me and I can start my new journey! Can you tell I can't wait?

I'm still trying to work out exactly when I'm going to do my studying. It'll probably mean shuffling some of my household timetable around a little (yes I do have a timetable, certain things I do in certain days...), and will definitely have to find somewhere to keep my stuff away from the boys...in a heavy metal vault I think.

The other evening I tested out Sir R's birthday present, had to make sure it was all in working order before giving it to him in September! As he requested he's getting a Nintendo DS, secondhand but in great condition. Anyway, I curled up on the couch after the boys were asleep and did a little "Brain-training". I'm very embarrassed to report that I have a brain nearly twice my age. I definitely need this study! This journey I'm embarking on should improve that, at least I hope so.
All aboard!

Is that really the time?

2010-08-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

Oh dear!

It's only 9.30am and already my house looks like a demolition site, the boys have said "no" to me more times than I can count, the neighbour has already yelled at my dog barking, and my head head is pounding! Ah yes, another wonderful Saturday in the 'burbs.
I'd like to know why it feels like I've been awake for hours...that's right, I have been. Sir R crawled into bed with me at 3.30 this morning and I just couldn't get back to sleep. I tried putting him back in his own room but his tossing and turning was easier to handle than the crying and complaining.
And now they're both outside on the deck destroying everything in site... Did I forget to mention that I have a 2-child demolition team?

2010-08-05T03:56:00.000-07:00

A beautiful friend of mine recently told me about the study that she was about to embark on. Then she left a wonderful comment to my post "No Mummy's Here"... and it got me thinking, again. I talked to my gorgeous man and did some investigating, and, low and behold, it looks like this little black duck is seriously returning to the world of assignments and exams.
This is fantastic on so many levels...not only is it going to get my head out of "mummy-time" and give me a whole new career path when I finally return to the workforce, but it's all about ME! The student me lived a long time before husband or children. The student me used her brain for more than planning meals and sorting washing.
This is ground-roots Jody...This is where I begin again.

"And now, the end is near..."

2010-08-04T04:38:00.000-07:00

I feel miserable! I don't know if it's the cold Master T shared with me, the fact that I only got a couple of hours sleep last night, or because tomorrow I'm a single parent again. Maybe it's a little of all 3.

It's funny, there's just the littlest part of me that's glad about tomorrow. It's all because during the 2 weeks alone with the boys I have my own routines, and don't have to battle another adult for space. It's only a very small part, somewhere in the tip of my right little toe I think! The rest of me doesn't remember signing up for single parenthood. Yes I know, it was partly my decision for Bart to head off to earn the "big bucks", but the fun's over now.
Can somebody stop this ride please? I want to get off...

No mummy's here!

2010-08-03T01:36:00.000-07:00

What a lovely day it was today! Don't get me wrong, I love Master T and R more that anything, but...6 hours child-free with my husband was bliss! We strolled around Cash & Carry stocking up on laundry items and toilet paper (I know, very romantic). It didn't matter where we went of what we did, we were together and that's all that mattered. It was the sort of day that will help keep me going for the 2 weeks my man is away.
It's also nice to not be "mummy" for a few hours...that gets me a little closer to remembering who I am - who I was BB & BC (Before Bart/Children). I think that sometimes as parents we let ourselves disappear so that we have more room for all the other "me's" we need to be. I know I need to get back to the real me, and I know a few other parents that are on that same journey. It's not something that's readily spoken about. I suppose we fear that others will take it to mean that we love our children less, but I've discovered that I actually love them more!

Just a wife and mum...

2010-08-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

I'm very disappointed at the moment. I was looking into studying externally, just a couple of subjects that would help me with the lotions and potions that I want to start making. The course outline was in the mail today with the subject price listing...At an average of $500 a subject I really don't think I'll be enrolling any time soon. It would have been good to get my head into something other than just being a wife and mother!

I decided a few weeks ago that I want to try making my own soaps, bath products and moisturizers. Thom has eczema that has recently flaired up again, and I'm sick of spending good money on products that are full of stuff I can't even pronounce! So I let my fingers do the walking and did some research on-line...I've found some "recipes" and a few great sites that stock the natural ingredients I need. Now to get all the bits and bobs together and start concocting!

Today's lesson is about sharing

2010-07-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

We try so hard to teach our children to share - to give others what we have to enjoy...

I think maybe we've taught Master T too well. He's shared his cold with the whole family! Both boys are coughing like "pack-a-day" smokers, and we're going through tissues like water. Hopefully the headache and sore throat that both Bart and I have is all we get. It gets so frustrating when they're not well and I feel horrid too! All Master T wants to do is snuggle, and all I want is peace. Unfortunately the two are mutually exclusive, and guess who wins?
And then there's the pile of washing that's growing by the minute because a certain someone has decided it's fun to wipe his nose on everyone's clothes... Tissue please!

The foggy 60's!

2010-07-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like your environment?
This morning we've woken to thick fog blanketing the suburb, and it feels just like the fog that's in my head. It's finally all caught up with me: Thom having not been well, Bart coming home, late nights, early mornings. Ah well, this too shall pass! It's just a stepping stone to the next "event".

On a brighter note, I've managed to find a dining table that matches the 1960's dining chairs we bought a couple of weeks ago. With a little love and attention we'll have ourselves a great retro dining suite! Add that to the 1965 footstools I got last week, the anodised canisters in my kitchen, and the Ford XW in garage and the 1960's collection is well under way! I've recently found the address of a Retro/Vintage shop I can't wait to visit (without the boys of course), and learned about the Vintage Life Market which is held on the last Sunday of each month in Darlington. Unfortunately Bart will be away for the August and September fair so I'll have to wait until at least October to be child free or have help! Something to look forward to though.
I am so in love with the 60's at the moment, but it could be an expensive love affair if I let it.

Is it bedtime yet???

2010-07-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted!

Poor Thom has a nasty cold and spend all day yesterday either throwing up or sleeping...and just when we thought it was safe to get in the car and head to the airport to pick up daddy...well, I won't elaborate but let's just say that the car seat cover has been washed and the car has all the windows down to air it out. He seems to be fine today, full of beans!

It's great to have my man home. My head always seems to be clearer and my mood lighter on the week he's back. Still, it's like a tornado...everyone wants a piece of him, and he has so much he wants to cram into the 7 days. I love having someone to snuggle into in bed, and someone else to make me a cup of tea.

Ah yes, the simple things...like sleep. Now, where's my pillow?

It's all about the timing!

2010-07-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

Ain't that the truth?

Daddy gets home tomorrow night and Thom has another cold. Hopefully he'll be feeling better by Friday and will be able to enjoy splashing in the pool with Dad.

And tomorrow will be about my timing...between Reece going to and coming from Kindy, Thom "helping" and me getting the last of the housework done...a standard Thursday really. I'll start out with the best intentions, turn into panic mode at about 1pm, and decide it's good enough at about 3pm... just in time to pick Reece up from Kindy, bath and dress the boys, grab some food and head out to the airport.

Speaking of the airport, Thom has the timing there! Or at least he did last time. He happily announced at the top of his lungs for EVERYONE to hear, that "Dadda's pane" had landed. Gee, I wonder if Perth Airport would consider hiring Thom instead of upgrading it's computer network? Nah, wouldn't work because "Dadda" would have to be on every "pane"!

1st time is kinda scary!

2010-07-27T02:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure that my life is that interesting that a blog is really necessary but here goes...

Hi, I'm Jody or RTmum. I have 2 sons Reece, nearly 5, and Thom, 2&1/2. I'm married to a wonderful man, Bart, who works away on the mines 2 weeks at a time.

And me? Well, I suppose I'm just trying to find my place in this world again, one step at a time.

Life is wonderful, confusing, frustrating, hectic...